the latest in my list of things that suck

losing at the weekly poker game.

the tables have turned. and they have turned against me. i used to do alright by my five bucks at the weekly game. was pretty consistent. usually ended up for the night. sometimes was the big winner. or one of them. in the last two sessions, however, i've pretty much blown through the fiver within an hour and a half of playing.

so what's happened?

the bogus answer: i no longer follow any of my old poker superstitions. no more watching at least one hand played on any of the poker shows on tv before heading out. it seems that when i don't heed this silly ritual, the poker gods shun me, condemn me to a night of bad hands, suckouts, and wipeouts.

the pity me answer: there's too much pressure to do well. my co-workers all want to know how much money i ended up with the following day. its not enough that i'm up 25 cents, 40 cents. i gotta win big. (and now i really have to win big because i owe "smarty" ten dollars. and he will only accept repayment through my poker winnings and/or lottery winnings. at this rate, it may take a while. i didn't even win a dollar from playing the lottery last night. double suck.)

the excuse answer: after driving over an hour to get to the weekly game this year, i am rarely in the mood to play. i am usually cranky and tired from the rushing around. and one should never play this way. one needs to be excited and hungry to play. i haven't really felt like that in a while. kinda sad really. i want to like it again.

the real answer: poor play and apathy. i've lost the patience to win. i've been chasing hands. staying in longer than i should be. refusing to fold when i know i'm beat. raising on shit that's fairly mediocre instead of being smart and checking to see what other people do. it's like i've given up on playing well. and that will always burn you when you sit down at the table. i throw in chips for the hell of it. and not exclusively to get people out of pots where i am clearly in the lead. i'm throwing chips in with medium hands in bad position, following raises because it's easier to say "fuck it" than to settle in and play smart. ugh.

it's hard to say if and when the tables will turn again. i guess i'd like them to.

the noncommittal answer: meh.