olympic fever?

watching the olympics this year has been sorely disappointing. the coverage is too cut up, shifting from one event to another too frequently. the scheduling makes it a little hard to follow the sports that you're really into, and there are far fewer athlete profiles to make olympics heckling a sport of its own.

last night i hung out with "bard" to try and relive the hilarity of the sydney games. but we were hard-pressed to find any new material. don't get me wrong, we were idiots about the women's team gymnastics, but the best that we could muster was bitching about the constant catcalls by the american teammates to "come on!" god, it was annoying! see, this is why i hate girls. they just won't shut up! if your teammate is on the balance beam, trying to concentrate on a difficult tumbling pass, why in the world would you yell at the top of your lungs "come on!"?? you're going to fuck her up with all that hollering. and then why would you keep doing it for no god damned reason? i seriously wanted to choke a bitch, it got so annoying.

then there was the "diversity" athlete to poke fun at. there was a black girl on the US team (and the ukrainian team! wtf?!) whose role we just could not fathom. we'd see her hugging her teammates, but for most of the event rotations she was missing. so we thought maybe she was there for moral support. you know, to say things like "that's ok baby, you did your best" or "you go, girl!" or maybe she was just there for show. i think we eventually did see her do a vault which might have been mediocre. but the black girl on the ukrainian team was nowhere to be seen. so we guessed (prepare yourself for a horrible joke) that maybe she was the porter and just carried the other girls' bags from one station to the next. yeah i know. that's bad. but when bard and i get together these are the jokes that are made.

the russian team didn't let us down too much. they did manage to get us a yelena and svetlana. but the irina was on a different team, so no triple threat or trifecta to be had. svetlana is the diva bitch with the walking stick body on the russian team. last games she ripped off her medal during the ceremony because she was pissed off at their place standing. and it was comforting to see that that spunk and fire from sydney had not waned. she was still the pursed-lipped ice queen of gymnastics. and what i especially love about svetlana is that you can always count on her to be ridiculously emotional and super-competitive. if she thought she did well, was pleased with herself, she would run to her teammates and allow them to give her kisses. if she bobbled on the event, or wasn't satisfied with what she did, she would brush by all of them and not allow anyone to touch her. and she'd scowl with daggers for eyes until she was up next. heh. crazy bitch.

yeah. i don't think i've caught the olympic fever this time around. and from the looks of the event venues neither has the rest of the world. but at least i was able to get my sick fun in at its expense.