my plan for (against?) procrastination

i have these moments in my life where i know i should be going forward, making progress at something, anything, but am stunned midstride. i'm trying to recover from paralysis. really. truly. you might even say that this blog has been a good start on one of those something, anythings that i should be moving forward with. it's just that i am such a damned procrastinator. it doesn't have to be done immediately, right? i'm sure whenever i get to it will be ok. afterall, it doesn't affect anyone else.

what i haven't gotten is that it affects me. that i am the root cause for all this stationary static. and the sole recipient of all the shortfalls. and shouldn't that really be the only thing that matters?

so now i'm beginning to feel those first signs of panic. and it's not even over something too terribly important. but i know if i don't get to it today the anxiety will crescendo and then i'll feel completely overwhelmed and then i'll be even more resistant to tackle it because now it's just getting too big for me to deal with at this minute. and so maybe another day will pass. and another. and now i've left myself with last minute time frames. mother fuck.

so i need a plan. a deadline. some structure.

1. i will research my task. sort through all the information i need to complete task. this should take place this morning after coffee.

2. i will act upon this information. whatever forms i need to fill out will be submitted before lunch time.

3. i will wrap up loose ends; double and triple checking that i've done what i need to do. and then stop worrying about it. to be completed by day's end.

ok. so what i gotta keep in mind is that i am not allowed to find excuses for not doing this simple task. no, it won't be ok if i just pop over to amoeba to see if there's anything worth listening to. no, i really can't spend 3 hours reading my book after lunch so that i may digest my meal comfortably. and no, i shouldn't take an hour power nap an hour before i go home.

but watch, something beyond my control will screw the plan up. the deadline will keep getting pushed back. the structure will collapse or show signs of distress. this may not happen. christ, what if i have to work?!

i'll let you know how this goes...