keeping perfect time

i'm out of synch.

my head was up and ready to go well before the rest of me was. i thought exercise was supposed to help regulate your sleep pattern; adjust your body's clock to want energy and sleep when it most needs it. but i find that it's just made me more lazy than before. a regular LBJ or "lazy bones jones" in the morning.

i hid my head under the covers, cowering from whatever morning light was able to seep through the blinds of my bedroom window. usually darkness is enough to coax me back into restful slumber. but my mind wasn't having it. so it decided to make my legs itchy. now that's a dirty trick to play on someone. if i wasn't going to get up voluntarily, i was sure going to snap out of it enough to relieve the prickly feeling on my skin. i cheated and scratched halfway by rubbing my legs together cricket style. i get a sick little pleasure from this creature pretend, but the motion made me kick the blankets off.

maybe if i wrap myself tightly in the covers, swaddle myself into a comfy cocoon, i'd get more minutes in bed. but that triggers the ebb and flow between hot and cold and the incapacity to reach a happy medium, a porridge and bed that's just right. now i get poor goldilocks' shit luck.

so i try to tire out my brain. quick! think of that story you want to write about, the one about accidents, responsibility, and fate colliding. where do i go after they first meet? what kind of lives are they going to lead in the seven years between their next encounter? how is she going to cope with the guilt when she realizes who she's reconnected with? and how is he going to react to this love that destroyed his old life? question and answer, and always without answer. now mind is alert and frustrated.

there was nothing left to do except accept the inevitable. time to shake the sand from my eyes. time to grumble and stumble and mutter and stutter.

open my eyes, turn to the clock and find a sign to signal something good.

open my eyes and time stopped still for me to smile.

open my eyes and i'm keeping perfect time -

8:23