a girl amongst boys

i was in a restaurant this past weekend when i made the comment, "i don't really like girls." and it's got me wondering what i mean by that.

it's not that i'm particularly tomboyish. i used to be a lot rougher around the edges when i was in elementary school. i used to play tag football in the streets, swung from downed electrical wires (maybe they were telephone wires) in total tarzan style, i even used to jump off the roof of our neighbor's playhouse. i was mischievous the way boys are. i liked mud. liked to run and chase. and i remember one time being really naughty and taking the neighbor's stashed Playboy magazines out and putting them on display in their front yard so that people driving on the street could see these nudie images.

these days i wear skirts because i choose to. i love to go shopping, especially for clothes and shoes (maybe this is more a symptom of being filipino than girlie). i paint my toenails. and will gladly dish the dirt with my other girl friends. yet i dissocicate myself from most girls. and if you took an inventory of my friends you'd find that most of those that have withstood the test of time are boys. curious.

maybe it's easier for me to bare my soul to the opposite sex because i'm less likely to get a catty response from them. maybe i like that when they listen they don't always have an answer. then there's the comfort of the shoulder to unload your burden onto. and the hugs that, because they are more masculine, feel safer. comforting.

i'm also fairly vulgar. i enjoy the shock that my over-the-line comments receive. it's so unexpected coming out of this frame. and boys are more likely to laugh with me than at me for talking like a sailor.

i've never relied on my looks to get anywhere with boys. i don't consider myself terribly pretty. cute maybe. gorgeous never. but charming as hell. i can't compete with the beautiful and poised. so i've got to rely on my sense of humor. so my ego gets a boost from being flirty and charming even if it's really for no other purpose than to feel a little bit better about the kind of girl i am.

which is not to say that i don't have any girl friends. i do. some really fabulous female friends in fact. but they're not, how do you say, girly friends. you will not see us doing group mani-pedis or having make-up parties. the good girlfriends i keep are my kind of girls - meaning, they are like me. they, too, tend to have a lot more guy friends and have similar senses of humor. and more importantly, they're annoyed by the real girly girls.

hmmm, i don't think this satisfactorily answers anything. :/ maybe i'm a girl amongst boys when i should be a woman amongst men.