when it shines...

i'm out there with heavy boots, a slicker, a paddington hat, a scarf, mittens, and an umbrella.

for whatever reason, i just could not get the forecast right today.

i should have known today was gonna suck. but every once in a while things would level off enough to make it so-so. so things were bound to look up, right?

so i look up expectantly. like maybe the clouds will roll in, turn the sky a cat of grey, and even toy with the idea of rain. (if for nothing else than to make me feel less ridiculous for the get-up.)

but NOOOOOOOOOO! everyone around me is enjoying the light, mockingly basking in it. and i'm waiting, miserable as can be, for my life to self-destruct. because honestly, it would have been fine-- even welcome -- for things to go kaboom. because it would have been change. ahhhh there it is, the admittance that the complete explosion (maybe implosion?) of self is a far better choice than things being constant shit.

and who knows, i might have been reincarnated as a solar panel (a flower being too precious) or something useful like that so that i might make use of the sunnyness of everyone and everything surrounding me.

or if today had blown up i could feel prescient in my imaginary downpour gear.

instead i'm writing to you through empty space to complain of my metaphorical meteorological misfortune. in the dark. at night. with heavy boots, a slicker, a paddington hat, a scarf, mittens, and an umbrella.

cause when it shines... oh fuck off already.