bouquets

you realize this only reinforces the crazy

in my distraction i decided to google my name and found this.

if you scroll down to Erisian Numerology you will understand. so you see, it was meant to be!!

there's all kinds of evidence for me being the way i am.

phew!


also found this:

they made a fan of me

last night i went to the echo with karmamoo for some free music mondays. i like catching acts before they get big. and i especially like catching them live. so i looked up the echo's monday residents and discovered that it was a little group called simon dawes. you can check out some of their music here.

upon first listen they sounded like the kinks. especially with the song "lazy daisy." it's filled with 60s era brit rock. but not like a cover band at all. more like paying musical homage to the energy of that time. it was, in short, very nice. but they've also got a gritty down home sound to them, as if they were creating the sound from the bowels of their instruments. and the singer, he's got a strong voice. yes, the guy can sing, and he can fill the room with sound. (unlike the singer from the band who came on before them. their music was good, but the singer just yelled and yelled. shrieking vocals aren't easy on the ears.) the simon dawes singer (i don't even know their names) could play with sound, can lead you by the hand through his lyrics. you get excited by his energy, you hold your hand to heart when he sings about the one who only loves him drunk. he connects with the audience, and clearly gets along with his bandmates. it was the kind of show that surprises you, where you don't know what to expect, but then find yourself cheering on their efforts with unapologetic "woooos!!!" and stinging handclaps.

karmamoo and i agreed though, they would probably get a lot further if they looked different. the bass player was in a white undershirt and had a headband circling his long stringy blond hair. not a good look. but i guess all the hipsters look like that now. and the other boys didn't fair much better in the fashion department. however, i'm glad they look so dorky, because if their look were more polished it would have seemed put on, it wouldn't have fit their sound. so hopefully the band will build success from talent rather than fancy pants and hip hairdos.

it was such a good show that karmamoo and i bought their ep. so really, simon dawes made a fan of we.

it was a long, drawn-out goodbye

it took me over seven years to get here, but i've finally arrived at goodbye. my patience and love have allowed me to weather the maelstrom for as long as i did. though now that i think of it, it was perhaps my hopeful heart that tethered me to that place. as if that relationship was ever fair, could ever be reasoned with. you fight with it, it promises change, and you endure more heartache because there might come a day when it holds you in tender, protective arms. it should have ended years ago. there was a foot out the door and one day left until uncertainty. and i turned around, back into the purgatorial sameness of invisible bruises and deep cuts.

oh sure, it wasn't without its moments of happiness, of laughing out loud at our ridiculousness. we could be content sitting in the dark, holding hands and guessing at each other's expression. we'd make up games built on make-believe to distract us from the truth that this wasn't working out, that this just wasn't going to last. sometimes the lies we told each other were so fantastic, so impossibly beautiful, we let their unattainable reality carry us away on pegasus wings.

but there comes a time (doesn't there always?) when enough is enough. and you find the strength in yourself to walk away, to jump without parachutes, to dive into deep darkness. fear of the unknown becomes less scary than wasting away in destructive comfortability.

and so here i am. day two of unemployment. and i couldn't be more content.
(get back to me in a month or two when i start worrying about paychecks.)

but for now, i'll bask in my liberation and revel in pursuing open opportunities.